Why Everyone Is Such a Jerk Lately (And How Not to Be)

We have all felt it. You are in line at the grocery store, and the guy in front of you is screaming at the cashier because his coupon didn’t scan. You are driving, and someone cuts across three lanes of traffic without a blinker, risking your life to save four seconds. You make the mistake of reading the comments section on literally any video.

It feels like the Social Contract, the invisible agreement that keeps us from killing each other, is dissolving.

You aren’t imagining it. We are living through a Friction Crisis.

The Realist knows that manners are not about being fancy or old-fashioned. Manners are about Logistics.

Think of society as a massive, high-speed engine. When a machine runs out of oil, metal grinds on metal until it overheats and explodes.

Manners are the oil. We stopped oiling the machine, and now we are shocked that it is on fire.

The Broken Windows of the Soul

In 1982, social scientists James Q. Wilson and George Kelling introduced the Broken Windows Theory.

They argued that if a building has a broken window that isn’t fixed, people assume that “no one cares.” Soon, all the windows are broken, and the building is looted. Disorder breeds more disorder.

Rudeness is a “broken window.”

• When you don’t say “Thank You” to the person holding the door, you signal: We are not a community; we are competitors.
• When you treat a cashier like a robot, you signal: Humans don’t matter.

A society full of broken windows is a high-stress, low-trust environment. As Robert Putnam argued in Bowling Alone, our social capital has collapsed. It is incredibly expensive, emotionally and financially, to live in a world where everyone is an enemy.

The NPC Problem

Why is everyone so rude? The psychological term is Solipsism, but let’s call it Main Character Syndrome.

David Foster Wallace, in his famous speech This Is Water, argued that our default setting is self-centeredness.

Social media and algorithms reinforce this. In your feed, you are the star. Everyone else is just “content” or “traffic.”

We have started treating real people like NPCs (Non-Player Characters) in a video game. They exist only to serve you your latte or get in your way on the highway.

The Realist has to manually override this setting. The cashier is not an NPC. The guy in traffic is not an obstacle. They are Players with their own difficult quests.

Civilization Maintenance

We need to stop viewing politeness as weakness. We need to view it as Civilization Maintenance.

You change the oil in your car so it runs. You say “Please” and “Thank You” so society runs.

To fix this, I use the Look Up Rule.

When interacting with a service worker (Uber driver, barista, clerk), you must follow this protocol:

1. Stop looking at your phone.
2. Make eye contact.
3. Say a full sentence. (“Hi, how is your morning going?”)

The ROI on this is massive. It takes three seconds. It lowers their cortisol. It lowers your cortisol. It fixes a broken window.

The Pattern Interrupt

Someone will be rude to you today. That is a statistical certainty.

Your instinct will be to be rude back. To escalate. To break another window.

Your task is to be the Pattern Interrupt.

Smile. Yield the lane. Let it go.

Civilization is a thin veneer. It tears easily. It is your job to stitch it back together, one interaction at a time.